America, What?

I went to bed on Tuesday Nov 8th, 2016 before the final results were tallied thinking I would wake up the next morning and it would all be just a dream.  Instead, I woke up at 2AM in a panic and checked my phone, not wanting to believe the name next to the 289 number.  I don't have coherent thoughts, or eloquent words, just the feeling that we've been through a political earthquake that's shaken the foundation of what we've been building for my entire life.  We're buried underneath the proverbial rubble and we're not sure how to rescue the survivors, or even save ourselves. 

I wish we could rewind to a week ago, when the Cubs won the world series and I thought I lived in a country that valued caring for other people.  I grew up thinking we did.  The offspring of diehard democrats, I mourn this loss not just for the now democratic minority, but for the country as a whole.  We did something irreversible tonight.  

It's 3AM and I'm just sitting on the couch with a tummy ache that I'm not sure is from this whole situation or the turkey sandwich I ate at what was supposed to be a celebratory election watch party.  I'm just sad. And I'll say it, I'm sad because I think Hillary being a woman had a lot more to do with her losing than we're going to want to admit.  I don't think the country was ready to see a lady, a woman, a FEMALE, as The Ruler of the Free World.  Whether consciously or subconsciously, the country made that decision. 

Quite a few people have posted thoughtful things on social media in what I assume was the moments after the final projections were called on network TV.  They say things I agree with, and will probably find comfort in at some point.  But right now there is no comfort.  There is no reprieve.  There is this stomach ache that will persist, day in an day out, for the next 4+ years.  We can band together, but we cannot reverse the decision we made tonight.  We can only sit, stunned, with our stomachs aching, surrounded by the falling remnants of a world we thought we once knew, and pray to God, for our future.