An Ode to a Blog and a Library

The View from Potrero Hill Public Lib

It is most appropriate that I am celebrating two years of having this blog by sitting in the very library where I first bought this domain name. Two years of formally tracking bananas and writing musings about mundanities has been an enjoyable experience. If you know me, you know I talk about this blog about as much as I post on it, which is actually pretty rarely for a person who likes calling attention to themselves. When someone acknowledges it directly my insides experience a mix of squeamish embarrassment, defiant pride and unabashed approval seeking that I can only conclude must be what real writers, and artists, and barers-of-souls-of-all-genres must feel like every single time they put something out there for everyone to judge. The beauty of carlysbananas is that not that many people judge it; it is another dotcom lost in the millieu of blogger accounts that has amassed only a few thousand hits over a two year period. I often have trouble getting my parents, brothers or friends to even read it. And that's okay. I see my blog as a corner of the web universe that has documented some of the most pivotal moments of my adulthood. It's my view on the world from the perspective of discarded trash on the San Francisco streets I once was apprehensive about, but now have such strong nostalgia for that my sternum sometimes aches with urban longing.

The library I'm in, like my blog, has seen me at many points throughout the two years I spent living in SF. Sometimes I feel like moving here is when life started making sense, but I realize it was really the beginning of when things actually began making no sense at all, which turns out to be the most appropriate representation of what real life is. This library saw me when I first moved to this city and had no internet nor friends. It saw me learn what being professional and responsible looked like; it saw me fumble, and fail and slowly succeed, at my job, and with my goals.  It saw me read a ton of Psychology Today articles, plan vacations, apply to PA school, get rejected from PA school, get accepted to PA school. It's seen me listen to music over the din of baby story time hour while sorting through my banana pictures, and science articles, and endless to-do lists.  It's seen me cry over boys and laugh over New Yorker comics and type and type and type.  It's seen me owe many dollars in overdue fines, but it keeps letting me check things out: Steinbeck novels I don't always finish and travel books are among my favorite. It's seen me stare at the city's skyline through haze and fog and sunlight, of the literal and figurative nature. I've shared its comfy chairs with my family, my friends, and many strangers who have confided in me both very little and absolutely everything about their lives. I can't imagine my life in San Francisco without this library, and now I realize I can't imagine my blog without my SF life. They've intertwined to be the creative outlet my prolific mediocrity needs, and I won't stop now.

From this blog I've been called clever, creative, hilarious as well as ridiculous, weird and too idealistic. When I originally bought this domain name, I had no idea one blog experience could display my personality so well. I am all those things, and I look forward to continuing to be those things for several years to come, or like I said here, as long as this url is less than 11.99 on godaddy.

Banana and Friends in front of the lib